Care too much. Try too hard.

Everyday when I go to bed I think, "One more day done". And then I think, "Why can't I enjoy my life?" "Why does everyday have to be such a struggle?" I'm such a perfectionist that I can't let myself loose. I can't just be crazy for a day and not do my homework. I can't speak out because I'm scared someone will judge me and think I'm dumb or stupid or anything. I can't be myself because truly WHO AM I? I'm not who everyone might think I am. Smart, perfect. Those are not words I would use to describe myself. I'm not even close to those words. I study so hard for my grades because I care too much. I try too hard. I put my whole self into one test or one assignment. I can't imagine going home and relaxing. Homework is top priority. In the summer I'm a totally different person. I'm so refreshed and relaxed and it feels like I don't have any cares in the world. I just wish I could be that girl year round. Someone who I'd love to be and love to show. Someone who doesn't care too much or try too hard. Someone who lives life for that day not the next. I think you'd like that girl.