Life's a track.

Do you ever wonder why we're all here? Why we are all striving for things that will eventually be gone? When will we reach our goals? Or when we reach them will we really, truly be happy? I feel like I'm sprinting through life and there's no slowing down... there's no finish to the race. No end to the chaos. No answers to my questions. No love to be found. I'd like to ask the happiest person in the world what their secret is. How did they get to that place? I'd love to join them. Is there a road to happiness? Is money happiness? Maybe. But probably not. The real money is having people around you that love you and cherish you. People who make you feel like you're worth it. Like you're a prince or princess who everyone worships. :) Well, probably not quite like that. That might be stressful. That's how I think you find happiness... love... and answers. With a loving, supporting cast at your side who always knows what to say. I don't think anyone could be happy without friends and family.

Care too much. Try too hard.

Everyday when I go to bed I think, "One more day done". And then I think, "Why can't I enjoy my life?" "Why does everyday have to be such a struggle?" I'm such a perfectionist that I can't let myself loose. I can't just be crazy for a day and not do my homework. I can't speak out because I'm scared someone will judge me and think I'm dumb or stupid or anything. I can't be myself because truly WHO AM I? I'm not who everyone might think I am. Smart, perfect. Those are not words I would use to describe myself. I'm not even close to those words. I study so hard for my grades because I care too much. I try too hard. I put my whole self into one test or one assignment. I can't imagine going home and relaxing. Homework is top priority. In the summer I'm a totally different person. I'm so refreshed and relaxed and it feels like I don't have any cares in the world. I just wish I could be that girl year round. Someone who I'd love to be and love to show. Someone who doesn't care too much or try too hard. Someone who lives life for that day not the next. I think you'd like that girl.

On Homework Overload

The homework load right now is overwhelming! I have so much homework. Last night I had homework in every subject except for band and choir. I can't imagine being in a sport right now and getting all the homework on the top of that. I wouldn't be able to handle it. I can barely handle just the homework. I was gone on Thursday and Friday but I barely got any make-up work. It just kept piling on as the day went on. Anyways, Spring Break is only in two weeks. That will be a really good break for everyone. Only three more months of school!!

Spring Sports Already!?!?

It's so crazy that spring sports have already started! There is still snow on the ground! It seems way too early but it's a good sign. That means spring should be coming soon. And then summer. :) I think it's a good idea to get started early though. Then everyone will be in shape for the competitions. I'm not doing a spring sport this year. I kind of wish I were though. I did track last year just to try it and I was really bad! It was fun but I decided that I probably wouldn't ever do it again. I wish I would have given it more of a chance because now I'm regretting my decision. My boyfriend is in track and I feel like we won't get to hang out as much now. I'm sure we will but that worries me. When we were both in track we got to hang out during practice. Oooo... run together. Sounds like so much fun. Lol But it was actually fun and it was some time together. Oh, well I'm sure we'll still hang out and now that he won't be working as much I might get extra hours at work. That would be nice.

All-State Choir Auditions

All-State Audtions for choir are on Wednesday!! Ahh!!! I'm so nervous. My choir director told me that I should try out so I said, "okay". But now I'm wishing that I would have said, "no!". She must have thought I was a pretty good sight reader but I'm not!! I'm awful. I went in for a lesson a couple weeks ago and she had me sight read and it was bad. I couldn't do it. So, now that auditions are on Wednesday I'm starting to get really freaked out. I'll have to practice a lot at the beginning of this week and tonight. I don't think I'll make it but it'll be a good experience and then hopefully if I try out next year I'll make it. Well, I better get going on the practicing! Hope everyone has an awesome week. Spring break is almost here!!!!

State Wrestling Tournament

On Thursday and Friday I went to the wrestling tournament up in the cities at the Xcel Energy Center. It was so exciting! Our guys did awesome. We beat two teams to advance to the championship round. We wrestled Apple Valley last night and we lost. So, that made us second in the state. In my book we got first. Apple Valley recruits people! That is so unfair! Anyways, I'm proud of our wrestlers. They did a really good job and I hope they're not down about losing to Apple Valley. They shouldn't be. I hope we don't get a lot of homework for being gone, too. I can just see all of our teachers giving us tons of homework tomorrow and then we also get all the make-up work. That wouldn't be very fun. So, I had a great, long weekend cheering on the Tigers. They were awesome.

Vague

Do you ever suddenly flash back to a memory and you think about it for awhile and it doesn't seem real anymore?  It feels like you made the memory up and you don't know which memories are real and which ones are counterfeit.  This has been happening to me a lot lately.  I can't tell the difference between my dreams and my memories.  Maybe I'm just over-thinking everything but it's just weird.  Like today I was just sitting on the couch and my cousin Derek's voice just popped into my head.  I remember sitting around the table at my Grandparent's house playing cards.  I was the scorekeeper and I was writing all the player's names on a pad of paper.  I was probably 6 or 7 and my cousin was probably 20-21.  But I just remember him saying, "Hey, look you spelled my name right."  Idk why I remember that.  Maybe I was super proud or something.  Derek.  Pretty easy name.  As I was thinking about this memory I suddenly thought that it was all fake.  That is never happened.  Why?  It's just too weird.  I don't know what to think.  Crazy!

Music Makes Me Lose Control

Yesterday was the Cat'aclysmic show choir's first competition of the season.  It was at West Dubuque High School.  Crazy far away.  Almost 3 and a half hours.  We left at 6 a.m. and got home at 10:30 p.m.  I'm just part of the combo (band for the show choir) but it was still fun.  I thought they did pretty good.  They got 8th out of 13.  We didn't make it into the finals but I was kind of glad.  I know that sounds really bad but I had to work at 5:30 this morning.  If we would have made the finals we wouldn't have have gotten home until 3.  That would have been awful.  I would have died at work!